Let emotions well up inside.
Do not allow fear of feeling.
Allow yourself freedom.

Fear not rejection in your courage.
Seek your heart.
Scold not adventure.

Enemies spew evil
My enemy myself
Love thy enemy

Sin incarnate crucified
My punishment not mine
My Evil is not Me

Ben Urich's surly and experienced editor calls everyone together, "All right, listen up, everybody!
"We have reports coming in of multiple explosions all across Hell's Kitchen.
"Hey Henricks, call PD, get a statement.
"Taylor, reach out to your guy at public works and see if gas or methane had anything to do with this."

Ben interrupts, "What are the locations?"

"You see me talking here Urich?"

"I'm just saying it'd help if we knew where we we're going to cover this."

"Caldwell, give me that list. Where are you?
"Please. Come on, come on."
"All right. locations are as follows, 44th and 11th, 48th and 9th, 47th and 12th, 42nd and 10th."

"It's not gas."

"How do you know that?"

"Places that were hit, all controlled by the Russians."

This is part of a transcript for the TV show Daredevil. Season 1, episode 6. It's one of my favorite episodes from one of my favorite TV shows.

I'm not alone in my appreciation for the comic Daredevil and this TV show adaptation. The comics are incredibly popular and the TV show is critically acclaimed as well as loved by fans.

What is the appeal of comics and these shows? They are a hyper-reality that somehow remain relatable despite the protagonists having super-human abilities. Why would we care? Surely we would have just written off these stories as child like and ridiculous long ago.

However I think they continue to remain relevant and appealing for what we hope for in our own lives. They offer something exciting for the bored; victory for the defeated; strength for the weak. Ultimately though, I believe they tell a story of ability to overcome.

We are constantly faced with our own inabilities, faced with frustrations and the need to overcome. Whether angry with society and the fat cats that hold us down or the people closest to us that hurt us without cause comics tell a story of people that seem more capable than us to overcome the problems they face. This is a story that we need and a story that we long for in our own lives; the superhuman ability to overcome.

For me this is a story that I need in my life. I am constantly faced more and more each day with the depth of my illness. This cloud, this aggressive fog that permeates my mind and makes me act and do things that I would not otherwise do. It makes me worse than I am, and I am bad enough as it is. This is unacceptable.

I need to overcome this. I need the ability to win and defeat the monsters that rage within and change me. I fear though that I cannot. The stories in comics, and the story of Daredevil - Matt Murdock - is one that inspires me though. It brings me hope that if someone like Matt can overcome his problems and enemies, no matter how big they are, that I in the comparably smaller problems can overcome them. Even if I don't have superhuman abilities.

We have reports coming in of multiple explosions all across Hell's Kitchen. Hey, Henricks, call PD, get a statement. Yeah. Taylor, reach out to your guy at public works and see if gas or methane had anything to do with this. What are the locations? You see me talking here, Urich? I'm just saying, it'd help if we knew where we were going to cover this. Caldwell, give me that list. Where are you? Please. Come on, come on. All right, locations are as follows, 44th and 11th, 48th and 9th, 47th and 12th, 42nd and 10th. It's not gas. How do you know that? Places that were hit, all controlled by the Russians.

Read more at: http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=270&t=17737&sid=f7367a3224a884162f73fe05b7d72880

We have reports coming in of multiple explosions all across Hell's Kitchen. Hey, Henricks, call PD, get a statement. Yeah. Taylor, reach out to your guy at public works and see if gas or methane had anything to do with this. What are the locations? You see me talking here, Urich? I'm just saying, it'd help if we knew where we were going to cover this. Caldwell, give me that list. Where are you? Please. Come on, come on. All right, locations are as follows, 44th and 11th, 48th and 9th, 47th and 12th, 42nd and 10th. It's not gas. How do you know that? Places that were hit, all controlled by the Russians.

Read more at: http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=270&t=17737&sid=f7367a3224a884162f73fe05b7d72880

The Attempt at Something Meaningful

My drive in life comes from a reaching for something meaningful. I am seeking something of meaning. I feel a great need to achieve something meaningful, something of value, something of worth. Nothing is of more importance to me.

Consequently I strive for everything I do to be meaningful. To be good. To be substantial and of worth. This is why I have called this blog, "An Attempt at Something Meaningful". This is what I am trying to understand. This incessant drive and reach is something that seems wrapped around me. It is bound and intrinsically part of me.

Yet my attempt at something meaningful seems to hurt me. It seems to be causing me pain and tied to my mental health struggles. It is not bad to reach for something meaningful but why does it cause my so much stress? Why does it seem to be at the centre of anxiety and depression for me?

"You're no good, you could never achieve something of worth or value."

There's this voice in me that keeps nagging at me.

"Why do you constantly make mistakes?"

I get so frustrated with myself when I make mistakes? Why must I feel the need to be perfect?

This is the intersection of my attitudes that cause my problems. I have to do something meaningful. Everything must be filled with meaning and purpose. Everything must be good and worthwhile. The bar is high.

But I could never reach that bar. I cannot be that great or perfect and yet I hold this standard for myself.

I stress to reach that place. I am sad when I cannot.

Anxiety from the attempts to achieve meaning with every moment and every breath.

Depression from all the failed attempts to make every moment amazingly meaningful.

It would seem something needs to be done about this unceasing attempt at something meaningful and belief that I'm no good. I may be able to cut a path through this anxiety and depression if I can find a new way forward without such a high bar set for myself and such low expectations.