Introduction

Focus. Focus. Focus.

It's fine. You're okay.

Breathe. Okay.

Now. Act from your values. What do you believe is the right thing to do here?

"Write something that reflects this blog and what it's about"

Okay. Great. That's great.

Now. You don't have to write everything in your first blog post. You can focus on one thing and just talk about that. It doesn't have to be perfect. It won't be. It just has to be something true and honest.

Now you can write.

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You arrive at junctions in your life and just the other day I arrived at one of mine - hence a blog. An attempt to collate thoughts coherently. An attempt to do something constructive that will help me get better.

"Get better?"

Yes. Get better.

I've been dealing with an anxiety problem for twelve months now. Well, I've been treated for it for the past twelve months. Now just on Thursday I discovered that it wasn't just an anxiety problem, but also a depression problem.

The latter was really difficult to deal with. Took me a few days to accept it - most of which was spent in a frustrated haze of sadness and mourning. It shattered my sense of who I am. I hurt my pride, because I found out that I was more broken and defective than I liked to think I was.

A few days later and you manage to pick yourself up off the floor and have a good couple days. You accept that this is part of your life but does not define you. It's an opportunity. A chance to be better.

Well. In the good moments that's what you think.

In the darker moments you hurt, you bleed, you fight yourself, you curse God and this stupid fucking world he has put people that can feel this kind of misery - and my misery isn't even that bad. You feel sorry that your wife is stuck with you and wonder how she can endure you - the darker moments are pretty dark.

Fortunately the darker moments can be fought. They can even be triumphed over. In the end you keep going and the positive moments do win. Every time. Which is odd to say so confidently, but because you always come back to the positive moments eventually that's a clear sign they win out isn't it?

So how is this a good introduction to this blog? It shows you why I'm writing it. My thoughts are a jumble and see-saw. I'm aiming for less depressed and dark moments and more of the positive ones. I'm aiming for less anxiety and less hard work to do everyday things.

This blog is part of that attempt to get better. So at some point when I sit down to take on a project I don't have the minor freak out I did before starting this blog post with, "You arrive at junctions in your life..."